


Arsonist's Lullaby

by sartiebodyshots



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dissociation, Gen, Pre-Series, Singing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 15:04:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18096668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sartiebodyshots/pseuds/sartiebodyshots
Summary: It goes so well, until it doesn't.  (Or, Caleb stares at the burning, and Nott doesn't know what to do.)





	Arsonist's Lullaby

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Hozier, because obviously.

The fighting comes to an abrupt halt as a burst of fire erupts from behind Nott, streaking overhead to blast the bandit bearing down on her.  She breathes a deep sigh of relief as she lowers her crossbow; Nott had felt her consciousness slipping, and the bandit had been about to deliver a finishing blow. Caleb even killed his buddy for good measure.

“That was _amazing_ ,” Nott says with a grin as she watches the smouldering remains of the man who had been about to murder her.  A swig of potion and wine, and she feels close enough to fine. “Caleb, I didn't know you were so powerful! I mean, of course you're powerful, but-”

Nott trails off when she turns to see Caleb just standing there.  He’s staring at the burning bodies, arm outstretched.

“Caleb?” Nott says.

No answer.  

“Shit, did they hurt you?” Nott says, scampering forward.  

No answer.

Nott circles Caleb slowly, looking him up and down for any sign of injury.  There’s no arrow, and it can’t be a spell effect, since Nott didn’t notice any mages attacking them.  

Nott pokes his hip gently.  No reaction at all.

There’s a rustling towards where the bandits came from, and Nott points her crossbow at the noise.  When the bandit appears, Nott launches an arrow right at his eye.

It hits with a thwap, and the bandit collapses.  That’s one problem she can solve.

Unfortunately, when she turns back to Caleb, he’s still staring at the burning bodies.  That… that can’t be good.

When Veth was a young girl, her future father in law was attacked by a black bear.  He nearly died.

When Veth was a newly wed, a bear wandered into Felderwin.  She and Yeza had hid, but her father in law just stood there and watched until-

(Nott’s memories of the event end there.  She doesn’t know what happened next. There was running, grabbing, yelling.  She doesn’t remember the details)

Staring at the burning can’t be good, Nott decides.  It’s probably the burning that did this to him, after all, since she’s seen him kill other people without this kind of reaction.  

“Hey, Caleb,” Nott says. She tries to make her voice soft and gentle, like Veth talking to Luke.  Maybe she can be soft and gentle, too. “You’re safe right now, but I need you to come with me, okay?”

Nott can’t reach his outstretched hand, so she takes his other hand in hers.  She is careful with her claw, as always, as she pulls him away, slow like caramel on a hot day.  It’s tempting to jolt and hurry him along; she would like him to not be staring at the fire; she’s worried about shattering something that shouldn’t be shattered.

At least Caleb comes willingly, if slowly.  He stumbles a little as they go, but he stays upright, thankfully.  She can’t carry him.

They eventually get far enough away that Nott can’t hear the flames or smell the bodies, so it seems like far enough.  She tugs on his hand gently again, this time to urge him to sit down on the rocks.

Compliant, Caleb sits, still staring blankly ahead.  He is almost doll-like; when Nott presses on his outstretched arm, he moves it, and she puts it to his side.  Seems more comfortable.

When Nott passes a claw in front of his face, he doesn’t notice.  

If she wanted to, she could steal all of his things, she’s pretty sure.  Normally, she could just sneak things out of his pockets, but if she wanted to take the clothes off him, she's pretty sure that he would let her.  

Not that she wants to, but it's scary to think that she could.  

“Hey, Caleb, can you look at me, please?” Nott says nervously.  

Caleb is still staring ahead.  It's like he's still watching the burning even though it's behind him.

Nott sits next to Caleb, almost shyly.  She takes his hand, squeezes firmly, looks for a sign that he's felt her.  There's nothing, even when Nott hesitantly leaves a tiny scratch on his hand.  She just wants him to respond to her somehow.

“You need to respond or tell me what you need or _something_ ,” Nott says.  

Caleb continues to stare straight ahead, and Nott tamps down on her growing frustration.  She feels alone for the first time in a while- not even Frumpkin is around, having poofed off to wherever he lives when he’s not curled up around Caleb’s neck.  

When Nott was Veth, she would sing sometimes when she felt so alone.  Veth was a terrible singer; one of her brothers said once that she sounded like a chicken being strangled after accidentally overhearing her.  Veth didn’t sing very much after that, even when she was alone.

But Yeza caught her singing to herself, a few months into their marriage.

“I didn't know you could sing,” Yeza says, leaning against the door frame.  

Veth freezes and then relaxes.  She's past the stage of assuming that every strange thing that comes out of her mouth will drive him away, but sometimes she still gets generally nervous.  

“I, uh, can't.  Not really,” Veth says.  

“I would disagree with you on that,” Yeza says gently.  

Veth feels the heat rising on her cheeks; when Luke is growing inside of her, Yeza encourages her to sing to him so he'll recognize her voice; Veth is certain that Yeza just wants to hear her sing more, for some reason; later, Veth holds her son in her arms and sings quiet lullabies to him; it always calms him down when he's at his fussiest.  

Nott has never sung before.  Her speaking voice is uglier than Veth's, and who would even want to hear a goblin sing?  Nobody. Luke would cry if he heard (or even saw) her, she’s sure.

But singing is all Nott can think to do in this moment.  Caleb doesn't seem capable of responding right now, and the only other thing she can think of to get his attention is to slap him, and she really doesn't want to do that.  

Luke had also liked being held tightly, close to Veth's body. She can't exactly do the same thing with a grown human man as Veth did with her infant halfling boy, but…

Nott exhales softly, steeling herself a bit.  There’s a strong part of her that viscerally does not want to do this.  She reaches back up, pulls Caleb again.

Still compliant, Caleb comes, and Nott guides him onto his side.  He is too large for her to hold close, but she leads him so his head rests in her lap.  One day, he had taken a nap like this, when he was badly hurt and she had wanted to be able to keep an easy eye on him, so she thinks it should be okay.

Nott carefully cards her claws through Caleb’s hair; it’s tangled and matted in places, and she’s gentle as she tries to work it out as best she can.

Hesitantly, hesitantly, Nott opens her mouth to sing a familiar song.  Her voice is creaky, unpleasant to her own ears. She’s tempted to stop, but she can’t.  Now that she’s started, she can’t stop.

Veth must have sung this for Luke a thousand times, always right to the end.  She doesn’t speak halfling that often anymore, but some things don’t fade- or at least they haven’t, yet.  

Her voice scratches against her throat, catching as she thinks of the small halfling boy she loves and carried once in her arms (not her arms, not anymore) and of the husband she ran so far away from out of love (still her love, still her fierce love).  

Oh, maybe this was a mistake, doing something that would remind her of Veth so much.

But then Caleb stirs, just a little, and he makes a soft sound in the back of his throat.  It’s not much, but it’s something, so Nott repeats the song.

A shudder, Caleb sits straight up right as Nott ends the song.  There’s light in his eyes again, and he looks at her with confusion.  

“What happened?” Caleb’s voice is scratchy, too.  

“You killed those bandits, and, uh, didn’t react very well,” Nott says.  

Caleb’s eyebrows knit together for a moment, and then his face darkens.  She watches for a moment as the blankness resurfaces for a terrifying moment, but Caleb is very firmly back in himself.

“I heard singing?” Caleb finally says.

“Oh, that, sorry,” Nott says; she can feel her ears twitching and her face heating.  “I thought, maybe! It might help. Probably pretty dumb- I can’t really sing- but I wanted to try something!”

Caleb smiles a little.  “Nott the Brave, you have quite the voice.  It was very nice.”

Nott looks him up and down.  She’s looking for some sign that he’s humoring her, lying about her voice.  

But…

There’s no deception, no hint of evasion.  He looks almost light for once. Almost a painful amount of earnest honesty.  She’s never seen that before.

Part of Nott would rather he was lying.  That seems safer, somehow.

“Are you good to stay here for the night?  Or do you want to get a bit more travelling in?” Nott finally asks.  

“I think we should get away from here,” Caleb says.  “Just a little further, at least.”

Nott nods, getting to her feet without looking at Caleb again.  Part of her wants to ask why he had that reaction to his own fire, but their relationship is largely built on not asking each other questions.  They accept each other as they are, without prying any deeper. It’s what works for them.

It means she doesn’t have to worry that Caleb is going to ask her about the lullaby, about what it meant, about the slight dampness in her eyes.  

They walk in comfortable silence, Caleb’s fingers skimming over her occasionally, and her brushing up against him, as well.  It’s nice to remember that they’re not alone.

If she hums while they walk along, well, Caleb is smart enough not to say anything.  

 

_Once there was a way,_   
_To get back homeward._   
  
_Once there was a way_   
_To get back home._   
  
_Sleep, pretty darling,_   
_Do not cry_ _  
And I will sing a lullaby  
_ _And I will be back one day_

 

**Author's Note:**

> The lullaby is Golden Slumbers, which is apparently also a Beatles song? with a line added at the end.


End file.
